It was my choice, well: our choice really. This was not some decision brought on by madness or disappointment. It was a choice of desire – a want for the future.
It had been too hard – at first for myself – then for us both. While, for a time, having the company of each other made it pleasurable→ we could not make up for this desire; this fire in front of our cold shaking hands.
We stand now; muted → without ← only our eyes and ears to uphold communication. No longer circling around each word; empty of motive, or ill wish.
Hands quietly clasped, we walk through tunnels of branches and leaves – noting gun shots of sunlight fighting their way through the darkness. It is here where the screams begin to untangle themselves and slowly start their ascent.
Through my fingers, he feels my heartbeat quicken. His eyes sharply surrounded by anger. He does not want our calm disrupted→ but I can no longer abide by this choice. It is time.
I must face myself and ask him why. Back him into the corner and let these unspoken words flow out and drown him.
My throat softens as each word takes its' turn. Slumped in the corner, his clothes cling to my shivering body. With each breath he approaches his last. The glimmer of hope which once stood→ now flickers in the hollow distance.
My final blow will surely put rest to his suffering. Leaving through the opened door. I take in the smell of fresh air; recharging my body.
With each step I remove myself from his grip, knowing full well that he will return and again silence will be the choice for us both.
Text from my latest video - 4 3 2 1
When did the horizon,
merge with the darkness.
And my dreams,
find themselves wrapped in a blanket
of pale, stained concrete.
How did my shaking hand,
find its way,
to my temple.
I cannot say;
but here it is.
Pushing hushed steel into my head.
Pulse and breath,
rushed as one;
→shallow← without control.
Colours merge and fall.
Sweat gripping my face.
Everything heats up→
Only my forefinger on my right hand stays cool.
Readying to make a→ decision.
4, 3, 2, 1.
Text from Mearu Caidreamh (performance art piece)2007
The drops of desire run off my face
colored blue
my eyes looking in four directions
straining to find your likeness.
but i; find her.
out of my reach
me with no foothold
i must start though
and woo her
from the inside
grab hold
and not let go
whisper sweet nothings
and scream to myself
wrap my arms around
each other and drift
untold
Text from Mearu Caidreamh (performance art piece)2007
The drops of desire run off my face
colored blue
my eyes looking in four directions
straining to find your likeness.
but i; find her.
out of my reach
me with no foothold
i must start though
and woo her
from the inside
grab hold
and not let go
whisper sweet nothings
and scream to myself
wrap my arms around
each other and drift
untold
